I might as well bed down in the reception, I’m at the dentists so much lately.
Well, since I smashed my teeth in straight after my operation, I’ve been back to the dentists a few times to see how my lips and gums are healing and, latterly, I have had moulds taken of my upper mouth to send to the dental lab to craft my temporary dentures. These also have a spring attached which will hopefully push my tooth back in to place over the next few weeks.
Temporary Dentures are Ready
Today, I having them fitted. I feel a little more positive as at least I’m now moving my teeth on, even though it will be uncomfortable for some time to come.
After a lot of adjustment and filing, my dentist fits the denture into the roof of my mouth. It clips onto either side of my upper teeth, about halfway down my mouth, nestling in the roof of my mouth. The missing tooth is now now longer missing.
God, it feels strange. My speech is immediately affected – I now have a lisp as my tongue brushes up against the plate. I can feel a little pressure on the tooth that needs moving which is what we are hoping for. It should steadily, incrementally, push it forward back into alignment with the rest of my teeth – well, so I’m assured. I should get ‘my bite’ back as well.
It’s awkward eating. I’m slow and cumbersome as I try and get used to the denture. When I eat, pieces of food get lodged in the clips and around the denture. Not the greatest sensation I’ve ever experienced.
I’ll have to keep my denture in place every day – except when asleep to give my mouth a rest – for at least a month or more depending on how well my tooth responds. To clean it, I just have to use a normal toothbrushes and salty water. Worse case scenario: I may have to wear a (better fitting, customised) denture for the rest of my life. After my first taste of denture life, I can’t say it’s a prospect I’m looking forward to.
Back at home and my mood plummets as I explore my mouth and look in the mirror at my devastated smile. OK, the denture does make it look better but it can’t disguise the fact that my life is shit. And it’s not going to get any better any time soon.
Suicide is Painless?
Well, I doubt that…
I decide to go for a walk and get some fresh air. My mind is swirling with conflicting thoughts and desires. And I find myself in a local wood examining trees for the suitability to successfully hold an adult man and a hangman’s noose.
What with one knock after the other, my depression is clearly worsening. How the hell did I get here? And now I’m exploring the different suicide methods open to me. So much for my earlier positivity…
What the fuck??!!